Darkside Fire Brewed Malt

Reposed upon the easy chair in the far corner of her room, Nelly drank a single glass of the smoky, sweet malt. Moments later, she became a flaming woman. Her hair, eyes, hands and legs, all of her, afire, ablaze, except for one pink house slipper and one pale Cinderella foot. Those were left untouched.

Doc Grimes' Medicinal Stout

Bitter, black old stuff. Thick as sorghum even if it ain't made with it. But it healed Cody of the snakebite and little Ginny of the measles. Does wonders for my rheumatism too. Can't let it set around though or it'll go skunk on you.

Ghost Town Bitters

Tourist stop. Eastern Rocky Mountains. Gold Rush. Gold! Rush! Rumor, speculation, myth, legend. Dreams. Greed. Go! Nugget, vein, mother lode. Tent town to new town. Bath, bed, beer. Wealth. Short-lived. Dried up. Burnt up. New town to ghost town. Sage brush. Tumbleweed. Tourist stop. Caramel beer in icy brown bottles. Tastes of loss. Costs too much.

Delightful Days Sassafras Root Beer (for ages 5 years and older)

Although Delightful Days Sassafras Root Beer is perfectly acceptable at birthday parties, baseball outings and field trips to the zoo, it should never be given to small children before bedtime. It leads to uninvited visits from wicked sandmen, hoary hobgoblins sneaking from the closet and fairies who flock to the windows awaiting the first sign of tooth loss. It will take years for the child to recover.

Anomalous Party Brew

Oh, it was just like a Tupperware party, except it was beer kits instead of salad bowls. We sampled Hover Sparkling Ale and floated up to the ceiling like shiny helium balloons. Later, we tried Rainfall # 18 and it rained. It rained cats and dogs. I got the toy poodle I'd always wanted. It was the best party ever!

Tall and Dark Brown Porter

She loved him. She loved him. Brown Porter - all dark and smoky, all burnished and lovely. The taste of him wove circle eights around her tongue, smothered her senses, took her breath away. Chocolate and malt, mystery and oak. Oak. Oaken coffin lid closing atop her. She didn't mind. She couldn't stop herself. She loved him.